Feeling Stuck in Life? Change the Thought Patterns Holding You Back
There are many times when change appears in our lives: leaving school or home, choosing a university or going into a career and all the changes that come. There are also the changes we have no control over, such as the loss of a loved one or having to make a change you don’t want to make, such as a divorce or house move.
There are also times when you know you need to make a change in your life, but you cannot quite work out what that change should be.
You may have built a career, raised a family, supported the people around you and achieved many things you once hoped for, and yet you still feel that something needs to change; something feels different, and you can’t quite put your finger on it.
You might feel disconnected from yourself, unsure what you want next or as though you are going through the motions rather than genuinely enjoying your life.
Many women describe this feeling as being stuck. But what if feeling stuck is not actually the problem?
What if it is a sign that you have grown, changed and outgrown the life you once created?
The thoughts that keep us stuck
Our thoughts aren't neutral background noise. They shape what we notice, how we interpret what happens to us, and ultimately what we do next.
If you spend your days telling yourself you're not capable, not ready, not enough, you'll find evidence for it everywhere, and you'll act in ways that confirm it. The reverse is just as true.
The way we think has a powerful influence on the way we feel and the actions we take, and this is essentially what Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is built on: a situation happens, we form an automatic thought about it, and that thought shapes the feeling and the action that follow.
Most of us never question that middle step, treating our automatic thoughts as fact rather than interpretation, when catching and challenging them is often where real change begins.
Many of the women I work with have spent years carrying thoughts such as:
"I should put everyone else first."
"I need to be realistic."
"It's too late to start something new."
"I am not confident enough."
"What if I get it wrong?"
These thoughts often develop from our experiences, responsibilities and the expectations we have placed upon ourselves. Over time, they can become so familiar that we stop questioning them; we simply accept them as truth.
But a thought is not always a fact; a belief is not always reality; and the way you have always thought does not have to determine how you live your future.
Changing your thoughts changes your life.
Coaching can be one of the most positive steps toward changing your thoughts and your life. One of the biggest areas I work on with women is helping them understand the connection between their thoughts, emotions, actions and results.
When you understand that the thoughts you have repeatedly influence how you feel and then affect the choices you make, and then the results that appear in your life, then you can begin to understand the importance of being aware of what you are thinking.
Now, this does not mean you can think positively and everything changes overnight, because real and lasting change requires awareness, honesty and action.
Change always begins with understanding:
What thoughts are keeping me stuck?
Where did these beliefs come from?
Are they still true for the person I am today?
What would I choose if I trusted myself more?
When you start asking these questions, you can then start to understand what is going on in your mind and where change needs to happen.
You don't need to become someone else
A common misconception is that creating change means becoming a completely different person, but you don't need to become someone else to make these changes; you simply need to notice which thoughts are yours to keep and which ones you've outgrown.
As you go through life, you will change in many different ways; indeed, it is essential to do so.
The person you were at eighteen will be completely different to the person you are at fifty. You will have had many life experiences that will change the way you view your life and what you want from your life.
The way to create change that still aligns with your core values is to reconnect with the person you already are beneath the expectations, responsibilities and beliefs that have built up over the years.
It is about understanding yourself more deeply. Understanding how you have grown, what your beliefs are now and recognising what matters to you now.
Making choices that reflect who you are today rather than who you were expected to be.
When you make choices based on who you know you are and what is important, then you will make aligned choices and the change you need to make will be far easier and will happen much faster.
This is the work I do with Women
This is what I have seen over the years that I have been working with many women.
My role as a coach is not to tell women what their life should look like; it is to help them understand what is keeping them stuck, identify the thought patterns that are limiting them and create the clarity and confidence to move forward.
This is where the real change takes place.
Through coaching, women begin to:
understand themselves more deeply
challenge beliefs that are holding them back
make decisions with greater confidence
reconnect with what matters to them
create meaningful and lasting change
When women first start coaching, they often believe they have failed or that they are not coping in the life they have built.
But feeling stuck is a different sign entirely. It is a sign you are ready for change; it means you are ready for something different.
A new chapter is opening up to you, a different way of living and being. You are moving into a new stage with your life. A life that feels more aligned with who you are now.
Are you feeling stuck?
If you have reached a point where you know something needs to change but you are unsure where to begin, coaching can help you understand what is really keeping you stuck and what steps you can take next. This can be a confusing time for many women and can also fill them with trepidation. The thought of making changes often means women are faced with a crisis.
They know something needs to change; they know something has to be done, steps need to be taken, but then they freeze because they believe they don’t have the answers for the questions that will be asked. But the first step is not having all the answers; the first step is being willing to ask yourself a different question:
"What is possible for my life if I stop letting old beliefs decide my future?"
Why do women feel stuck?
There are many reasons women feel stuck in their lives. When women come to me for coaching, they rarely say:
"I need life coaching."
They come because they want their life to feel different; they come because they are asking:
"Why don't I feel like myself anymore?"
"Why do I keep putting everyone else first?"
"Why do I know I need to change but cannot seem to take action?"
"Why do I feel like something is missing?"
Feeling stuck often happens when there is a gap between the person you have become and the way you are currently living. It could be that your values may have changed. You may have changed your priorities in life. Children may have left home; you may have divorced, left a career or be embarking on a new one.
Your dreams may have changed; you could be living in a different area or living a completely different life.
What is holding you back could be that the thoughts and beliefs that guide your decisions may still belong to an earlier version of yourself. This is where the feelings of being stuck are rooted.
How do you begin to get unstuck?
The first step in creating change is not rushing into action. It is understanding what is really keeping you where you are.
Many people try to change their lives by focusing only on what they need to do differently.
They set goals, make plans and try to push themselves forward, but if the thoughts and beliefs underneath those actions have not changed, it can feel like they are constantly starting over.
Real change begins with awareness.
It begins by asking yourself:
What patterns keep repeating in my life?
What beliefs about myself might be holding me back?
Where am I living according to expectations rather than my own values?
What would I choose if I trusted myself more?
When you begin to understand yourself at a deeper level, change becomes much easier to create. You stop fighting against yourself and start making choices that are more aligned with who you are now.
Creating your next chapter
Feeling stuck can be uncomfortable, but it can also be an important turning point. These feelings are a wake-up call that your life requires change. It can be the moment when you decide to stop simply getting through each day and start creating a life that feels more meaningful and fulfilling.
You do not need to have every answer before you begin; you simply need to be willing to look honestly at where you are, understand what is keeping you there and take the first step towards something different. Deciding to make a change in your life could be one of the most important steps in your life.
How I can help
This is the work I do with women through The Unstuck Method.
A coaching programme designed to help you understand what is keeping you stuck, challenge the thought patterns and beliefs that are holding you back and create practical steps towards the life you want to build.
Together, we explore:
the thoughts and beliefs influencing your choices
the patterns that keep repeating
what you truly want from this next stage of life
the actions that will help you move forward with confidence
If you have been feeling like something needs to change but you are unsure where to start, I would love to help you explore what is possible.
